This piece I originally wrote for a writing class and ultimately had it published in the online creative writing journal at Illinois State University, Euphemism, spring of 2012. This is a creative non-fiction stream of conscious piece. So, that being said…this is based off of truth, but does not necessarily mean everything in it is completely 100% true 🙂
I have a roommate and her name is Lee its not really Lee but thats what were gonna call her Lee and I have had problems living together Lee doesnt know that weve had problems but there have for sure been problems all first semester she was seeing this guy this guy is what we are going to refer to him as so this guy pretty much stayed at her oh wait I live there too our apartment everyday it was virtually impossible to see her without this guy and the same for him I rarely saw this guy without her I am all for love and for being close to the ones you love or at least the ones you think you love however this was silly this guy bought groceries to store in her no wait our fridge and I couldnt get to any of the stuff that I bought normally I wouldnt be bothered since I dont eat that much but I was bothered all of this guys stuff was in my way want to try some and he bought nasty stuff there were little juices that came in a plastic container that looked like barrels and I didnt even want to try them they looked like the kind of juice you give little kids because they wont know the difference between good juice and real juice they just know theyre drinking juice the fridge wasnt the only place he was invading no this guy took up space in the cabinet once again with his stuff nasty stuff stuff I would never think of being edible let alone eat it myself no thanks Ill pass they would they being Lee and this guy leave all of their garbage all over the counter I could tell exactly what nasty inedible so called food they ate so being the slightly anal neat freak or just any normal person that doesnt want to live in filth would clean it up and take out the garbage and clean the bathroom dont get my started on the bathroom this guy took showers in her no our bathroom rubber ducky youre the one you make bath time lots of fun and once I was doing my homework like the innocent bystander that I was and I heard him use the toilet for very unholy and unheard of ways I never knew it was possible to make so much noise and have such a quantity so as you can tell already I did not much care for this guy always staying at her no our apartment
this guy would leave his stuff around the apartment too I found hats shoes bags and movies lying around the entire apartment minus my room I would be so disgusted if he was creeping around in my room not that I hide things in my room but my room is my sanctuary I go there to hide and to be alone and to just do whatever I want it is my place the only place in her no our apartment that is exclusively mine so naturally since Lee did not seem to notice the mess that this guy was leaving around I picked up and cleaned everything like a modern day college going cinderella but without the evil stepsisters and the dog and the cat and the singing mice and the ball and the prince and the like I guess the only thing that really made the connection be that I cleaned while little miss Lee stayed in her room with the door closed suspicious activity but not so suspicious its not like I didnt know what was going on in there I just rather not think about it Ive heard stories oh yea Lee likes to brag not to me no but to her no our mutual friend and then her no our mutual friend tells me funny how that works the girl that I live with doesnt talk to me but her no our mutual friend tells me anyway sneaky
the cleaning didnt really bother me although I just spent about half a page talking about being cinderella but not being her at the same time what really got me was that this guy would eat my food now im all for sharing and stuff but when he had nothing to offer me in return then I had issues Lee has a wide variety of coke in her no our apartment I dont want to get bored with something that I love and I only really drink mountain dew its my preferred heroine its my drug really I rarely go a day without having a can ok thats a slight exaggeration especially since Im trying to cut back theres rarely a day that I dont think about having it thats better so on one of the few days that I decided to indulge my addiction I went over to the box because we leave them in the box in her no our coat closet weird place to keep it I know but we no she has so many different flavors that we no she needs to keep them in a special place so I reach my hand into the box and its empty thats it no more empty I know what youre thinking because I thought the same thing I probably drank the last one not knowing it was the last one but that is a lie a big lie a huge lie I remember there being three count them three mountain dews left in the box I know because I was planning on when I needed to buy more and how long it would last me and other such mathematical calculations now I know what youre thinking I know no proof but I do have proof there was a half empty yes I am taking the negative in this situation there was a half empty can on the counter and I know it was not me I dont leave my pride and joy half empty when I have a mountain dew I dont set it down until it is done again with the exaggeration but its not that far off and then more proof once I opened the fridge there was a half empty can in the freezer now I would never do that because I dont put open cans in the fridge or the freezer that is just disgusting well maybe it was Lee maybe she didnt have enough variety in her no our closet but that is a lie well not really a lie but a perceived lie because she told me she doesnt like mountain dew so it probably more than likely wasnt her so if it wasnt her and it wasnt me then it had to and I mean had to be this guy I was furious and as you can probably tell from my tone I am still pretty ticked about it
there was a redeeming quality though they did make dinner once yes once out of the whole semester I usually make dinner or her no our mutual friend makes dinner I dont mind making dinner I find it
somewhat relaxing and rewarding to know that I made dinner and its good and well yummy so anyway they elected to make dinner they bought frozen pizza Im not complaining over the content of the meal by all means I am a fan of pizza I do not discriminate over most foods so they put them in the oven which Lee had to be told what temperature to put it on 375 which is understandable I dont make pizzas everyday nor do I know offhand all the temperatures needed to make everything in the world so after the oven preheated her no our mutual friend and I spent at least ten count them ten minutes telling Lee that it was alright to cook pizza without a sheet underneath and that it was in fact better because it got crispier and who doesnt love crispier pizza so Lee and this guy put the pizzas in the oven and they decide that they want brownies and ice cream as well a good selection I will concur shortly after making this decision Lee and this guy go into her room and stay there leaving her no our mutual friend and me to take the pizzas out which I guess is the real cooking part and I made the brownies so Lee and this guy didnt actually make dinner but when Lees cousin came over Lee offered her brownies that Lee made yep thats right that Lee made and then proceeded to tell little miss cousin that her and this guy made everyone dinner thats like so thoughtful and like nice of you like wow youre such like a good cook rachel ray look out all the while Im standing in the background where no one can see me rolling my eyes and chopping carrots thinking about Lee which makes chopping carrots go a lot faster than what you would think
Here is the link to the online journal. I highly recommend you check it out. Every piece that is submitted is unique and each writer, artist, musician is very talented.