While I Still Can

Hi again! This is another stream of conscious piece I wrote that was published in the Illinois State University creative writing journal, Euphemism. I originally wrote it for a creative writing class (different class than before). It was published spring 2010. Again, it is a creative non-fiction piece. So, the story is based on truth, but exaggerated and stretched. Had an idea and ran with it. ūüôā Enjoy!!

i want to go somewhere anywhere¬† anywhere is better than here he is here and i dont like him he smells funny not¬† funny in a bad way just different kinda like axe and campfire i love that smell¬† his smell is not the reason i want to leave that is one of the many reasons i¬† want to stay I dont want to leave i have to leave its for my own good ive been¬† over this a thousand times it is for the better everything will be better if¬† you just leave leave and get out get out while you still can yes your hurt but¬† not disintegrated you can still make a comeback i need to leave while i can still¬† move while im gaining consciousness and getting into my thoughts and am able to¬† comprehend what is going on i love how he laughs too he has the silliest laugh¬† like a mix between a chuckle and an all out snort but that is not why i have to¬† leave no i have to leave i have to get out while i am not under his spell while¬† i can still think for myself he is really smart he wants to be an engineer if i¬† end up with him then i will be set for life because engineers make good money¬† and depending on where i go with my english degree i might not make enough to¬† support my lifestyle but his intelligence is not why i am leaving i have to go i¬† need to get out while i still can i need to leave while i can still think for¬† myself he is really easy to talk to i can talk to him about anything and he will¬† just listen to me he wont but in like most people do when you try to talk to¬† them you know what i mean but his listening ability is not why i have to leave i¬† need to go i have to leave while i still can i need to go far away where i¬† cannot be hurt by him any more i need to start a new life we worked together at¬† a really crappy grocery store that‚Äôs how we got to talking and how we got to¬† texting and how we got to hanging out and how we got to being close and how we¬† got to me cheating on my boyfriend and how we got to him asking me out and how¬† we got to him dumping me for talking to my ex i didn‚Äôt even do anything no physical¬† nothing just talking just talking and you know think that he would understand¬† that since he is a good listener but he didnt but i am not leaving because we¬† were co-workers i need to leave i need to get out while i still can i need to¬† leave and go far away and start fresh i need to escape and never come back but i¬† want him to find me i dont want to go too far what if he changes his mind about¬† me what if he wants to be back with me and he cant find me i better not go too¬† far because i need to be there with him i am the only one who understands him i¬† am a good listener and he is a good talker we talk about everything and anything¬† but i need to leave i need to get out while i still can i need to go far away¬† but not too far in case he wants to talk and he wants to text and he wants to¬† hang out i need to be just far enough but just close enough at the same time¬† what if something horrible happens and i am the only person that he can talk to¬† what if something amazing happens in his life and he wants to celebrate he is a¬† really fun person to be around we always find something to do we like to go to¬† the park and just lay in the grass and watch the clouds go by once i fell¬† asleep on his stomach and woke up about an hour late and one time we played¬† rockband for over five hours nonstop that was really fun but i am not leaving¬† because we have fun together i am leaving i have to leave and get out while i¬† still can while i am not hurt enough to where i cannot move i need to leave while¬† i can still think for myself i need to get out maybe to california they could¬† always use a blonde in need of a tan he is tan he is part Cuban and he is¬† always tan when i tan i am the same color that he is normally it makes me¬† jealous and smile at the same time but i am not leaving because he is tan i¬† need to leave i need to get out while i still can maybe ill go to alaska no one¬† is tan there it was really cold at the park once and he cuddled closer and¬† shared his jacket with me that has never happened before that was cute and very¬† gentleman like but i am not leaving because of his polite manners i need to¬† leave and i need to leave now but i cannot go to someplace warm and i cannot go¬† someplace cold and I cant go someplace too far but i cant go someplace too¬† close but i need to leave i am leaving while i still can i am leaving while i¬† can still think for myself and can still make coherent thoughts and can still i¬† am leaving now while i still can while i still want to while i still have to…

Check out more pieces and perhaps even submit your work to the journal at: http://english.illinoisstate.edu/euphemism/index.htm. Keep writing and creative thinking alive!

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